


When I Hold You Close, I Am Safe…

by iZombi



Series: Immortal!Sabaton AU [13]
Category: Sabaton (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort, Crying, Dizziness, Fear, Fireworks, Flashbacks, Gen, Hyperventilating, M/M, MATURE FOR PANIC ATTACKS, PTSD, Panic, Panic Attack, Screaming, Trauma, apologies to be had, appologizing, calling your neighbor, cowering in fear, feeling of lightheadedness, helping your friend go back to sleep, resurfaced trauma, severe flashbacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 15:26:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29984913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iZombi/pseuds/iZombi
Summary: One night, one of Pär’s neighbors lights up their leftover fireworks and this causes Joakim to experience a panic attack so severe he can’t snap out of it, thankfully though, everyone springs into action to help comfort Joakim.
Relationships: Chris Rörland (Sabaton) / Hannes Van Dahl (Sabaton), Chris Rörland (Sabaton) / Tommy Johannson (Sabaton), Hannes Van Dahl (Sabaton) / Tommy Johannson (Sabaton), Joakim Brodén (Sabaton) / Baron the Bear, Joakim Brodén (Sabaton) / Chris Rörland (Sabaton), Joakim Brodén (Sabaton) / Hannes Van Dahl (Sabaton), Joakim Brodén (Sabaton) / Pär Sundström (Sabaton), Joakim Brodén (Sabaton) / Tommy Johannson (Sabaton), Pär Sundström (Sabaton) / Chris Rörland (Sabaton), Pär Sundström (Sabaton) / Hannes Van Dahl (Sabaton), Pär Sundström (Sabaton) / Tommy Johannson (Sabaton)
Series: Immortal!Sabaton AU [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2197443
Kudos: 6





	When I Hold You Close, I Am Safe…

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CamdenNightingale](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CamdenNightingale/gifts).



>   
> \- - - -  
> This fic is something that me and my dearest friend @CamdenNightingale where talking about as a part of an AU she is working on with the Sabaton Boys being Immortals, (think the TV show "The Old Guard") !  
> \- - - -  
> I hope you all enjoy reading it!  
> \- - - -

‘ ** _POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP!’_**

Came the noise of several fireworks popping in quick succession, one behind the other, into the still night. The sound carried itself very clearly throughout the air, it echoed thunderously like that of high caliber rounds being shot out of a gun,

The sounds made Joakim spring up from his bed, still half asleep and with his heart racing, he’s not able to make much sense of what’s going on,

He grabs onto his bear, Baron, for safety and gets up out of his bed,

The first thought that comes to his mind is that someone has broken in and they need to leave, or that someone might be in danger,

Before he is able to reach his door another flurry of fireworks explodes loudly in the night,

‘ ** _POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP!’_**

The sound makes Joakim jump back, he stifles a yelp of surprise,

‘ ** _POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP!’_**

****

Once again, more fireworks pop outside in the night,

Joakim lets out a whimper, he brings Baron the Bear closer to his chest and stands there frozen like a deer in headlights,

‘ ** _POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP!’_** ‘ ** _POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP!’_** ‘ ** _POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP!’_**

****

It sounds like a whole flurry of fireworks have been allowed to go off all at once, the sound absolutely terrifies Joakim to the point where he starts to cry,

His room is too dark for him to see anything and he can’t locate the warm safety of his bed, all he knows is he has Baron with him and he’s in _mortal danger_ ,

He dares not to go for his door for fear of whatever may be out there will kill him or do worse,

He whimpers pitifully as tears flow down his cheeks like a waterfall,

He walks backward, backing himself all the way until his back touches the wall,

‘ ** _POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP!’_** ‘ ** _POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP!’_**

****

The following wave of fireworks exploding out into the night make him scream out in alarm,

His heart rate begins to quickly pick up, and he feels his chest tightening up, he slides down the wall until he’s sitting on the cold hard wooden floor,

He’s holding onto Baron for dear life, almost as if he were to be taken from him he would die for sure,

“ _No, no, no, no, no, no-“_ Joakim whimpers as he cries hard, his arms wrapped protectively around his oversized teddy bear,

‘ ** _POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP!’_** ‘ ** _POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP!’_**

****

Joakim feels like a boa constrictor is tightly wrapped around his chest, he can’t get any air into his lungs and he’s also beginning to hallucinate the burning sensation in his neck,

He’s coughing hard as well as trying to desperately suck in some air for his lungs, he can feel himself get dizzy, lightheadedness creeping in on him,

Suddenly, Joakim hears what sounds like to him four sets of footsteps, and they all seem to be rushing over to where he is,

This is it,

_They’ve found him,_

_He’s going to **die,**_

Joakim whimpers pitifully as he curls in on himself while still holding Baron the Bear tightly to his chest, he buries his face in him as he presses his back harder and harder against the wall,

He wants to shrink down,

He wants to be invisible,

_He doesn’t want to **die,**_

His door slams open and Joakim lets out a shriek,

“ _Where is he?”_

_“I don’t know!”_

_“ Turn on the fucking lights damn it!”_

_“I **CAN’T** find the **fucking** switch!”_

Joakim can hear several voices call out to one another, and because his mind is elsewhere and he’s suffering from severe flashbacks and hallucinations he doesn’t immediately recognize that it’s the voices of his friends,

He whimpers and cowers in his corner, crying hard as tears continuously roll down his cheeks,

Eventually, there’s a flash of brilliant white light, it hurts Joakim’s still maladjusted eyes and he closes his eyes, he hides his head in Baron to avoid getting any light into his eyes,

“ _There he is!”_

And Joakim lets out a yelp of fear,

Whoever it has just found him and his brain immediately convinces him that he’s going to die,

“ _N-N-N-No!”_ he cries out, voice muffled by the bear, he tried to shuffle away but he can’t he’s cornered and there’s no escape out,

His only way out has been blocked,

_He’s **fucked** ,_

He feels someone touch his arm and it causes him to scream in sheer terror,

Whoever it was has pulled their hand away from Joakim quickly, it appears that perhaps he’s frightened them,

“ _D-D-D-Don’t h-h-hurt m-m-me!”_ he cries out, his voice is shaking so hard that it makes it difficult for him to speak,

“ _Joakim-“ a voice begins,_

_“N-N-NO!” he wails,_

Hannes looks up to the others, he’s crouched down in front of Joakim as he was trying to comfort him but had stopped when the other screamed out in fear,

“I can’t get to him, he’s most likely having a severe flashback…” Hannes speaks, his voice is full of deep concern and worries over his friend,

Pär frowns deeply as he looks on at Joakim who’s trembling like a leaf, poor thing is trying to avoid an invisible threat,

‘ ** _POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP!’_**

****

Joakim lets out a muffled yet horrified scream, he’s incredibly stressed and high-strung, Pär knows that the only way for him to calm down is if the explosions from outside cease,

He nods and looks to the three of them, “Chris, Tommy, and Hannes- You three _stay with him_ , ok? I’m going to go downstairs and see if I can call whoever it is to stop-“ he explains as he then rushes outside of the room, running down the set of stairs to get to the house phone,

The other nod and sigh as they’re left with a horribly frightened Joakim,

Chris gets down onto his knees followed by Tommy, they both look to Hannes who shakes his head, “Don’t touch him, just talk…” he says,

And they nod, heeding Hannes’ warning they just resort to trying to talk to him,

“Joakim do you know who I am…?” Tommy asks gently,

“ _D-D-Don’t h-h-hurt m-m-me…!”_ Joakim whimpers,

“I’m not going to hurt you, Joakim… It’s me Tommy… remember?”

Joakim says nothing and instead sobs,

Chris sighs, “God this is horrible…” he rubs his temples,

Downstairs, Pär has finally reached the house phone, as his neighbors only know him by his house phone number and not his personal, he’s forced to use this landline,

‘ ** _POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP!’_**

Aside from hearing Joakim cry out in fear again from upstairs, he can tell that the sound of the explosives is coming from the far east of his property,

The culprit of all of this chaos immediately comes to his mind and he frowns deeply, “ _No fucking way!”_ he hisses as he begins dialing the number,

He places the receiver up to his ear and listens as it rings on the other end,

He stands there as he furiously taps his foot on the floor,

‘ _Ring, ring! Ring, ring!’_

_“Hello?”_ speaks the voice of an old elderly woman on the other end,

“E-Elanor? Is that you?” Pär asks,

“ _Ah! Pär, hello! Yes, it’s me, my dear…”_ Elanor states,

“Elanor are _you_ lighting fireworks?” he inquires,

“Oh no! Those are my grandchildren! Did they wake you?”

Pär sighs, “Unfortunately _yes_ they did, a-and not only that but they-“ he takes a moment to compose himself to give a proper excuse, “-My brother he came back from the army, Elanor, he has PTSD, it’s really bad and he’s really scared because of the noise…” he explains,

He can hear Elanor make a noise of concern, “O-Oh! I’m so sorry, hold on-“ he hears some shuffling on the other end, “- _Harold! Go stop the kids! Pär’s brother has PTSD and he’s back from the army- yes! Yes, he just called me! Go- Go stop them from doing any further damage to that young man!”_ ,

Pär hears more shuffling and then the phone being picked up, “ _Pär, dear, are you still there?”_

_“_ Yes! I’m still here-“ Pär then hears two young boys whining in the background they sound thoroughly upset as they walk by, “-Were those your grandkids?” he asks her,

“ _Yes dear, they were, don’t worry! They’ll be thoroughly scolded by Harold and I, I’m so horribly sorry for everything…!”_ she states,

Pär sighs, thanking his stars for such a wonderful woman as his neighbor, “No, it’s alright… don’t worry, I’ll get him to calm down…”

“ _I want to stop by tomorrow and properly apologize to the young man, is that alright with you Pär?”_ she quizzes,

Pär nods, “That’s fine, you’re more than welcomed to do that…!” he says, making a mental note to prepare everyone for a brief visitation from his neighbor tomorrow,

“ _Thank you, dearie, now please, rest well and I hope your dear brother is alright…”_

“Thank you, Elanor-“

“- _Any time! See you tomorrow!”_ she calls out before eventually, the line goes dead, indicating that the call has ended,

Pär sighs and puts down the phone, he rubs his face with his hands and takes a moment to breathe,

When suddenly, his brain reminds him of Joakim,

His eyes widen and he rushes off into the direction that Joakim and the others are, as he ascends the stairs he hears Joakim sobbing,

He can feel his heart sink, ‘ _Shit!’_

He runs up the last few steps and rushes to Joakim’s bedroom, where he finds Joakim laying down on Hannes’ lap crying, Tommy and Hannes are saying soft nothings and rubbing his cheeks gently as they try to calm him down, Chris is sitting closer to Joakim’s waist as he holds his hand and gently rubs at it,

“I-Is he o-ok?!” Pär asks, worried and out of breath,

“He’s ok, he’s fine… he’s just finally coming out of it…” Hannes speaks to Pär as he then turns his head to Joakim, “Isn’t that, right?” he says, not really expecting an answer from the bawling man on his lap,

Joakim is laying down on the floor, his head on Hannes’ lap, as Chris holds his hand, trying to comfort him, as he holds onto Baron desperately with the other,

Currently, he’s incapable of speaking due to the traumatizing PTSD flashback and hallucinations, but he is able to understand what’s going on around him and what people are saying,

“Alright, Joakim, do you think you can sit up for me?” Hannes asks gently, and he watches as Joakim nods,

He helps him sit up, he’s still crying as Chris and Tommy comfort him,

Hannes hands him a tissue and a bottle of water,

Joakim blows his nose, he can feel Chris rub his back lovingly, after he’s done, he takes the bottle and drinks his fill,

When he’s done he throws out the tissue and wordlessly hands Hannes the bottle,

Joakim looks at Pär, he’s tired and tears stain his cheeks, eyelids puffy and red as well as his nose, He looks like shit and probably feels like it too,

Instantly Pär feels the overwhelming need to hold him,

“Alright, everyone else… goes to your rooms and rest, I’ve got it from here…” he says and watches as the rest nod and give Joakim one last goodbye hug and word of comfort before leaving,

With the room now empty, Pär looks down at the emotionally exhausted Joakim, he sighs and approaches him, gently he helps him stand and guides him to his bed, helping him get in,

Pär takes off his slippers and gets inside his bed with him, Joakim snuggles close and Pär wraps his arms around him protectively,

“Wait-“ Pär says and he re-adjusts himself and Joakim so that Pär is holding Joakim and Baron, “There we go… now I have my favorite boy and the world’s best fighter pilot at my side…”

Joakim lets one last tear fall and Pär is quick to wipe it away, “Hush now… just rest, you’re _safe_ , we're _both_ here and **nothing** is going to hurt you, **not while I’m still here and breathing** …”

Joakim nods and buries his face close to Pär, he hugs him and Baron before finally drifting off to sleep with Pär close behind,

The soft drumming of Baron’s heartbeats lulls both men to rest…

The following morning Joakim awakes to find Pär awake as well, he was watching him rest, making sure that he wasn’t having any bad dreams,

Joakim yawns and rubs his eyes, “ _Morning…”_ he sounds tired and makes no effort on moving,

Pär chuckles, “Good morning sleepyhead, how did you sleep?”

“Good…” Joakim pulls Pär in for a strong hug, he can feel Baron behind him, pressed up against his back, “… _Thank you…”_ he whispers,

Pär frowns lightly as he holds Joakim close, he places a kiss on his forehead and holds him there, “No problem-“ he says before finally realizing what’s going to happen today, “-Hey”

“Yeah?”

“About yesterday…” Pär begins as he pulls away from Joakim, they’re both still laying down on the bed and looking at each other,

“One of my neighbors, Elanor, she’s an elderly woman about seventy-five, she had her grandchildren over at her house and they got into her stash of fireworks, that’s what all that noise was last night. I called her and she apologized for everything and scolded them, but she wants to stop by today to apologize to you…” he explains,

Joakim nods, “Oh, ok…”

“So, go get dressed ok? I need to go tell the others too, she’s going to come and want to talk to you directly, also-“ he stops himself,

“-Hm?”

“I said you were my brother, so when she talks about me and says something about ‘your brother’, she’s just referring to me…” he explains,

“Gotcha”

Pär nods, “Alright, so I’m off-“ he gives Joakim one last kiss on the forehead before leaving, “-Get dressed before she arrives…” is all he leaves him with before getting out of bed and slipping on his slippers, exiting his room and closing the door behind him,

Joakim sighs and looks to Baron who’s behind him, “Looks like we’ve got a visitor…” he says before finally sitting up and going off to get dressed…

Two hours later, Elanor finally arrives as Pär’s home, she greets him and he helps to guide her to where Joakim is, in his room drawing like he usually does on lazy Saturday mornings,

Pär knocks on his door,

“ _Yes?”_ Joakim calls out,

“It’s me and I’m with Elanor, can we come in?”

“ _Yes!”_

and Pär opens the door for his elderly neighbor, when they both step in, Elanor’s eyes land on the massive teddy bear that sits propped up on Joakim’s bed, she smiles warmly before walking to Joakim,

“You must be Pär’s brother, aren’t you?” she asks him,

Joakim nods, “Yes ma’am…”

“Bah, don’t “ma’am” me! Just call me Elanor, all of my friends do!” she exclaims,

“O-Oh Okay, sorry Elanor…”

“No need to apologize, because that’s what _I’m_ here for, after all, my grandchildren scared you half to death, didn’t they?”

Joakim wordlessly nods,

“I apologize for their behavior my dear, I should’ve payed more attention to how I store my belongings, I promise that it won’t happen _ever again_ \- here, have this-“ she hands him a large tin container, it has an image of various cookies that lie inside it,

Joakim raises an eyebrow as he takes the gift, he opens it and finds several cookies,

“Now this is just for you my dear, you _don’t_ have to share if you don’t want to, alright? Consider it my way of apologizing…”

Joakim puts the can down and rises from his seat, he gently pulls her in for a hug, “Thank you Ma- E-Elanor, thank you!” he corrects himself,

Elanor laughs as she hugs him back, “No problem dear, now take care of yourself, alright?”

Joakim nods, “Yes!” he flashes her a warm smile, and sees her reciprocate it,

Elanor then proceeds to bid Joakim with one final farewell before leaving with Pär, he helps to guide her all the way back down and out towards her car with her husband Harold who is waiting outside,

In the meantime, Joakim looks down at the container of sweets and smiles, he pops one in his mouth and relishes just how sweet it is…


End file.
